On Valentine’s day morning a woman wakes up with a start and says to her husband, “Honey, I had the strangest dream. I dreamt that you gave me a pearl necklace. What do you think it means?” He replied with a smile, “You’ll find out tonight!”
That evening at dinner, the husband hands her a gift wrapped box. Excited, his wife removes the ribbon and tears off the paper. Inside, she finds a book “The Interpretation of Dreams.”
One of life’s little pleasures is have the right tool when you need it. There are few things in life more annoying than getting immersed in a project only to find you need this or that to get the job done easily and effectively. Nine times out of ten I find a need for a tool long after Home Depot is closed. So, in an effort to spare you from these petty annoyances, here is my top ten list of most enjoyable tools for your projects around the house (in reverse order of the level of pleasure I get just knowing they are near me).
I added a number 11 because I don’t have a chain saw, but I want one. A few years back a hurricane blew through town and my next door neighbor had one – he went from house to house cutting fallen limbs down to size. He had so much fun!
Are you reading this sweetie? Nothing says “I love you” more than a chain saw for our anniversary. Call me sentimental, that’s just the kind of guy I am.
Every battery operated toy these days seems to have a hatch with a phillips head screw barely larger than a gnat’s eyeball. Sometimes you can get by with the screw driver that comes with an eyeglass tool kit, but most of the time I’ve found them a little too flimsy. God bless you Henry F. Phillips.
For those hard to reach places, nothing beats a snub nose phillips. Here’s mine, I call him Dick Tracey (he carried a snub nose 38).
The operative word here is “locking” – neither your kids nor your adoring wife wants to stand around holding a tape measure; and who can blame them, it’s BORING! A locking tape measure is freedom in the palm of your hand. I had a cheap one once. Spend a few dollars more and get a sturdy one. I’ve had this guy a number of years and it continues to work like a champ.
Great for when you’re putting up shelves, or hanging a picture. I got one of the cheapest ones I could find; I’m not calibrating the space shuttle, I just want it level enough to pass wife-inspection (hmmm, now that I think about it, NASA has nothing on her!). Seriously though, hydrostatic laws work the same regardless.
Oh yeah! Tough as a T-Rex and just as mean looking, this bad boy has taken all the abuse I could dish out low these 30 years, and has NEVER let me down. I’m thinking of getting his little brother for some of the tighter spots that T-Rex can’t fit into.
I’ve tried to strip wires using a needle nose plier, but its hit and miss. This little guy can accommodate most any size of wire you’ll encounter in the home. Sizes are clearly marked, well crafted. My only complaint about mine has nothing to do with function – it bugs me that its marked “Wear Safety Goggles.” Really? I’m much more likely to get electrocuted using these things than I am getting anything stuck in my eye.
For those times when #4 (see below) is too bulky to fit. Home Depot, Lowes, Target, they all have a wide selection of sets. I get warm fuzzies just knowing that they are at my beck and call. Santa brought me this one last year, so I can’t vouch for the quality. If any of you out there have used Husky, let me know what you think.
So incredibly convenient. I have had occasions where it latched on so tight I had a hard time prying it loose, but it’s still my go-to ratchet when space allows.
From opening large bags of dog food, to cutting rope and, well…boxes. This little guy is a pure joy to have around. In fact, I use it so much, I bought a second one. I keep Big Red in the house, the Silver Ghost in the garage. Retractable is a must; I inevitably put it in my pocket at some point in the project, no matter what it is I’m doing. They don’t give purple hearts for wounds sustained in the home repair line of duty. Some of you may prefer a pocket knife – I don’t blame you, they look really slick and you can carry them almost anywhere. But I have seen some nasty finger cuts by guys going the pocket knife route.
If you have kids, and they have bicycles, you and the kids will thank God every time you use this handy device. Sure, you could get a good work-out using a hand pump, but no kid that wanted to use their bike at the spur of the moment will appreciate your attempt to stay in shape. Get an air compressor, save the time (and the exercise!) for the bike ride with the kiddos. Got mine at Target for under $40 if memory serves. Mine has a rotating dial to set the air pressure and it automatically shuts off when it gets there. Works like a champ. Plugs into a standard electrical socket or extension cord. It also comes with a separate cord to plug into a car electrical socket – handy for road trips and camping. I’ve used it to inflate stroller tires, bikes and even the old family wagon. It’s a bit noisy, scared my 2-year-old first time he heard it. I wouldn’t use it at 2 am, I like my neighbors. If you don’t like your neighbors, well…
Hands down, no contest, my numero uno, all time most enjoyable tool in my arsenal! I get tingly all over just thinking about it. To truly appreciate what a wonderful device this is, try working under the kitchen sink on your back with a flash light in your mouth while your wife asks you how much longer it will take. Go ahead, let the kids laugh at how dorky you look when you wear it (and you will look dorky). Next time you’re hanging a ceiling fan after sun down you’ll thank me.
So there you have it, Ed’s top ten list of most enjoyable tools for around the house. Let me know your experiences using any of these, and what your favorites are!
I’m Ed, and I’m just sayin’…
-Steven Wright
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– Groucho Marx
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Today is Ash Wednesday, the start of Lent. Symbolized by the imprint of ashes on our forehead, to remind us that from dust we came, and to dust we will return.
Somebody at the office: “I saw on the news, a place where people can get ashes in a drive-thru!”
Me: “Well I guess the next thing will be confessions via Skype!”
Somebody at the office: “Hold on a second, father, I have a call coming in.”
Me: “That’s gonna increase your penance!”
– Soupy Sales, circa 1960
Did you here the one about the Aggie who sold his car for gas money?