I have a theory that voter turnout in the primaries may be a leading indicator for the general election, so I’ve decided to test my theory with this primary season. Long before the pundits started taking notice of voter turnout in the primaries, I started tracking the results. Forget the polls. For years they have […]
A priest is giving a sermon at a children’s mass. He asked the kids, “What do you think would happen if the next time your parents asked you to do something, and you did it right away?” A number of the students raised their hands. One of them said “They’d be happy.” Another one said […]
An actual conversation at a Post Office: “I would like 100 stamps, please.” “What kind of designs would you like? We have flags, flowers, others.” “Half in flags for me, half in flowers for my wife.” “Ok, here you go. Now just don’t call your wife and tell her you’re bringing her flowers. She will […]
There once was a married couple with two sons. One was an infernal optimist – he was always happy and saw the bright side of things. His brother was just the opposite, an infernal pessimist – he was always unhappy and saw the dark side of things. Their parents decided to do something about it, […]
A man calls a lawyer’s office, “Smith, Smith and Smith, may I help you?” “I’d like to speak to Mr. Smith.” “He’s in court this morning.” “Ok then, let me speak to Mr. Smith.” “He’s attending a legal seminar.” “Then get me Mr. Smith!” “Speaking.” -Henny Youngman 0
One morning, an absent minded man kisses his wife goodbye as he’s leaving to go to work. The wife says to him, “Drive carefully honey, its rush hour.” “Don’t worry, I will,” he says. The wife sits down at the breakfast table and turns on the local morning news show. There’s a report about someone […]
A man walks into a doctor’s office. The doctor tells him, “Step into this room, take off all your clothes and stick your tongue out the window. I’ll be back in a few minutes.” The patient follows the doctor’s orders, and the doctor returns five minutes later. The doctor says, “Ok, you can put your […]
On Valentine’s day morning a woman wakes up with a start and says to her husband, “Honey, I had the strangest dream. I dreamt that you gave me a pearl necklace. What do you think it means?” He replied with a smile, “You’ll find out tonight!” That evening at dinner, the husband hands her a […]
One of life’s little pleasures is have the right tool when you need it. There are few things in life more annoying than getting immersed in a project only to find you need this or that to get the job done easily and effectively. Nine times out of ten I find a need for a […]
Got me a pet zebra. Named him spot. -Steven Wright 0
